Christian Sex

2009-05-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

I've been tough on Christian values this week. First, Miss California - the good Christian, who knows for a fact that God wants only men and women to marry - violated some carnal sins and posed semi-nude while she was a teenager. Oh, wait, it wasn't "semi-nude" because it was lingerie posing and should be OK, according to her newest twisting of her moral values. Dear God: the Liberals are attacking! Because, um, the Liberals are holding her accountable according to conservative, Christian values which abhor arousing nudity, lying, hiding your true nature, etc. Prejean gets a pass from Conservatives, however, because he's one of the few rare people who stand up in public to espouse their bigoted attempts at controlling others' lives, manipulating government law to fit their narrow ideals of right and wrong - the rules are OK to be bent by Christians and Conservatives if they like you, just like God's rules on sin, so that makes Prejean OK in their eyes and Liberals at fault. Second, take the case of the Christian college student who gay pornned it up to make some money, but got kicked out of school for it. Maybe he should have established himself as an anti-gay-marriage protester first, and then he would've gotten a free pass when it came to his boy-fucking entrepreneurial endeavors.

Where my frustration comes from is that Christian Values don't seem to fit the values of the people who believe in them. Prejean is fighting for her alluring photos to be acceptable, where most moral conservatives would look at her mostly-nude teenager photos and declare that she should be taken away from her parents for participating in such pornography. Gay porn guy did something he knew was against the rules for moral and social conservatism, then expected to be included in the group as One Of Them. Dude, they want to destroy you and everything you stand for, don't give them your money, don't let them insert any more shit into your brain which counteracts the human nature that led you down your path. Nothing says that, after being kicked out of school, he renounced his porn history and declared purity from here forward. Neither he nor Prejean have made a stand on living upright moral lives from here forward - the press releases and news articles focus on the unjustness of being held up to high moral standards. Prejean, however, might have the clout to actually get away with it - she earned enough Free Passes for challenging a progressive legal standpoint on national television, which means she could probably sexually abuse old people at her Retirement Home volunteer job and get away with it. Stick bigger non-God-given boobs in her chest: she wants to stop Gays from getting something good! Who cares who's image Prejean was made in: she's got one of the talking points right. If Miley Cyrus has been more vocally conservative, Bill O'Reilly might not have accused her Vanity Fair shoot of not being what "Middle America" wants, demanding accountability for Vanity Fair's manipulation of her as a sex symbol. Miss California? Augmented boobs, swimsuit competition, half-nude lingerie ads, and the negative reaction, according to O'Reilly, is "a shocking display of hatred and un-American sentiment. This woman is an American citizen and does not deserve to have her life ruined." For Miley Cyrus, the half-nude photos are the damaging factor; for Prejean, the reaction to the photos is the damaging factor, she doesn't deserve to be held to the moral standard that sexualizing a minor is wrong. Where's O'Reilly's outrage over whoever approved the Prejean photos at 17? When your dad's a Democrat, it's your fault - when you've got the Republican views in line, anyone with a bad word to say about you is being unfair.

So, have I seen anybody who walks the walk, and talks the talk? My money is on this guy, for the moment: I missed Nighline last night, but according to teh internets, there was a segment about "Devout Catholic Christopher West" who spends his time helping Catholics and Christians fuck their brains out. Stupid Christians are my problem, people who live one way while pretending it's OK with a not-okay-with-it church. West, of course, disapproves of Gays, unmarried fornicators, and contraceptives, but he's giving this advice to people who agree with him, not blanket statements that cover everybody else - what I gather is he's telling people what to do, not what to don't. Big plus Number One: he accepts and acknowledges that the Song of Solomon is fucking porn. Not some retarded allegory of love for the Christ, but a king porking a new wife for the first time. Big plus #2: he accepts sex, and everything about it, as a God-given right and a part of the body. He doesn't resolve, however, the "thou shalt not" incongruity, which is my biggest complaint about Christian views of sex: children are told "never, ever, ever", but a couple years later it's "why don't you have any kids yet - get to it!" They haven't resolved fucking as a part of humanity, but West has a start. If Christians worried more about getting their own selves right, they might not be so worked up over who's marrying who, or who's fucking who for money. Nobody's stopping Christians from making huge wet spots in their beds at night - West wants to make sure that's what happens - but they've got a lot of gall to try and impress that upon others.

The saddest part is the "Christians" who think their behavior is fine for themselves, but not for others, then argue with the moral authorities for calling them on their shit. Prejean and the Gay porn kid need to face the music: Moral conservatives are telling you that your behavior is unacceptable. If you're with them, fucking give in and admit your failure. Get on with your morally-restrictive life and stop pretending your immoral behavior is fine, and talk to West about the right way to fuck, because he seems to have a good handle on it. I'd rather you both take option #2: Tell the social conservatives to go fuck themselves. Stop pretending you're one of them. Stop saying you're a good Christian who promises to hold up to Christian morals and expectations for handling sin. Start living your life the way you want to live it, partly-nude and fucking men on film - if more people stood up to the emotional abuse of Christians and Conservatives, the world would be a happier place.

Virtue is a Red-Blooded Thing

Christian Sex